This, is Baby. I have three words for you. Pure, Unadulterated, Evil. You have never met Baby (and if you are lucky, you never will), but rest assured, she hates you with a passion. When you look into her eyes, you can almost see the gears turning, the plot being hatched. I have little doubt that given the means and opportunity, she’d kill us all. Other interesting facts: The most ironically named of all our cats....
Got cat? Believe it or not, there are some that don’t like living in an infestation a house full of cats. Take Zoe here for instance, she hates it. Zoe is Chloe’s sister, one of two that represent the first of our cats. She used to be happy and well adjusted, but runaway immigration has taken a toll on her sanity, (at this point there isn’t much left). She experiences violent mood swings that result in physical confrontations with other cats one minute, and pulling her own hair out the next....
Damn, this is starting to feel like work. Meet Thumper. Thumper’s most distinctive feature is the absence of a tail. It was recently explained to me that this is the way he was born, but I’m having a hard time accepting that. You see, Thumper is fearless, and I don’t mean fearless in a heroic kind of way, I mean fearless in a lack of common sense, isn’t afraid even when he really really should be, kind of way....
It’s been a week now; there are still more cats. Once upon a time we had no cats. None, zip, zero. It was a glorious time. Then one day my wife came to me wanting a kitten. I was initially opposed to this idea but it was clear how important it was to her, so I agreed. She brought home two. Two. One of them was Chloe. Chloe is a thin and frail cat, which I theorize is the result of some genetic condition which has also left her with an inability to maintain proper core body temperature....
Day 6, Stevie. To the best of my recollection, Stevie was the first cat integrated under the If it eats, we must greets line of reasoning. As you may know, during the Salem witch trials the accused were thrown into a pool of water, if they floated they were deemed witches. If it eats, we must greets is a similar false dichotomy that states that if you place food out for a stray cat, and it eats it, then it must be your cat....
With all of these cats, you didn’t really think there’d be one named Skinny Girl without a corresponding “Fat Boy”, did you? Fat Boy is in fact Skinny Girl’s brother, and has the distinction of being the very first cat in our house with a penis. Others would follow, but he was the first. Respect. Fat Boy is the exact opposite of his sister, the yang to her yin. He struts around the house like he owns the place, and is not easily startled or intimidated....
Pictured below is Kiwi. Believe it or not, I actually like this cat. The reason for this should be obvious, I mean look at her, she’s adorable! Kiwi is one of the many cats that were brought home from the Human Society to be “fostered”. At the time she was covered in mange and way too young to be away from her mother. My wife and daughter spent countless hours treating the mange and bottle feeding her while I tried to pretend she didn’t exist....
Next up is Skinny Girl. Let’s talk about that name for a second, “Skinny Girl”. That’s only a short step up from names like Cat, Dude, and Hey You. It would stand to reason that if you find yourself struggling to come up with unique names for your pets, then it is entirely possible that you have too many. Again, I don’t really have much to say about this one, it’s a relatively recent arrival....
I give you, Alfie. I really don’t know much about this cat, it hasn’t been here very long. It is one of many that were/are being (temporarily )fostered here. What I do know is that you do not want him around when playing darts. Soft-tipped darts inevitably fail to stick from time to time. From the moment a dart hits the floor you have scant seconds to retrieve it before Alfie snatches it up and runs like hell....
Meet Star. Best described as Not Quite Right, Star’s mother was a feral stray who rejected her as a kitten, (those wacky animals and their maternal instincts, go figure). A firm believer that no kitten should be left behind, my wife assumed custody. We’ve had her for years now. For the most part she keeps to herself. One notable exception to this is bedtime where she demands a prominent position either on or next to my wife....